I can't describe how I feel

Today is weird. I feel oddly calm and kind of happy today. I feel like I should be sad and upset and still shed more tears than I do but I feel really...happy. I see some women who are so upset and count the days and for one reason or another, I forget and don't really take the steps to find out how long its been. I also have come to resent other pregnant women less and less. I just pray that they are taking care of themselves and don't take what they have for granted.
The other day, I had a coworker ask me "So when do you find out what you are having" I looked at her shocked and said "OMG you don't know? I'm surprised no one said anything to you. Everyone else knows" She looked at me and said "Well, tell me now" "I lost the baby 3 weeks ago." I told her what had happened and how I was dealing. I felt a little weepy, but not enough to really cry.
Mother's Day I took a test and it came back BFN. No surprise really. I kind of expected it. I also tried to take it easy that day and LO and behold, I get fertile signs again. I knew I hadn't Ovulated! Thank GOD! Adam has been asking me a lot "So are you still fertile?" and tries to seduce. What a doofus. So much for waiting! I guess he's just as ready as I feel I am. Game on!
I really hope that getting pregnant again is easy and this time, I get to enjoy it and actually carry to term. I can't wait to have a happy, healthy baby in my arms. I know its what my baby would want Mommy and Daddy to have.