Well, Life, you've thrown another curve ball...

wow. The things that I've been dealing with since last time. Amazing some days that I still wake up and think, "So, what new things will happen today?". I've gone back to work (in a matter of speaking) and only work about 3 hours a day 2-3 days a week with an occasional Sunday (5 hours), but its ok, lil man and his papa get to hang out during those times and when I come home, I'm greeted by a slightly exhausted hubby and a lil man who is grinning ear to ear and leaning toward me to hold him. It makes me want to break down and cry (yes! even right now just thinking about it!) the happy tears. Anthony notices that his momma is gone for a little while and wants to snuggle for a little bit before dinner and bed time! I've got to admit, that's something amazing that only a working mom (or a mom who is out of the house for a few hours a day, a few times a week) gets to understand. I really recommend it to every mom though. It makes you feel AMAZING. Plus the time out of the house and away from baby helps clear your head, which is ALWAYS a good thing.
On top of going back to work, my mom finally got in contact with my brother. Our fears were true, he was in jail. This time, he was 1000% innocent and the chick who put him there has pretty much put a target on her back for any future guy who would want to be around her. Serves her right for having lied just because she wanted to see what would happen when someone says something like she did about a convicted felon. Bitch. But he's out now and I've gone back to evaluating my relationship with him. Technically I can't have my lil man around him for another 7 months (so a visit is out, along with photos), but there is still an option that I go and see him. I've been debating this because I'm not sure. After all the things he's told everyone else about how he's jealous of me and the fact that mom raised me and he didn't get that same opportunity, I'm not sure how I feel about rebuilding a relationship with him. He only wants to call me when he's drunk or looking for mom. Not quite the kind of thing that works for me. I know that I'm supposed to be a good Christian and forgive and forget, but there's only so many times I can before I just want to throw in the towel and cut my losses.
On a brighter note, I've been going through Anthony's clothes and putting away the 0-3 stuff that doesn't fit and trying to get another wearing out of some of the stuff that barely fits. This means he's in a new outfit after every diaper change. You can imagine that a baby who loves being naked feels about that! He's been turning into such a great sleeper too. He goes down without a fight between 9:30 and 10:30 (depending on if its bath night) after his dinner of a healthy 2.5 oz of whatever the food of the week is mixed with about 1-1.5 oz of rice cereal and water to make it a little thinner than yogurt, but with substance. He eats all of it (usually with out a fight) and then does his clean up/bath and off to bed with a little nursing until his eyelids are too heavy to fight. Then he will usually stay down for 4-5 hours before he wakes up and needs a little more breast milk to get him through the rest of the night. Sometimes he'll wake up another time or two, but lately he's been awesome about sleeping with few wake ups. We have also taken the swaddle away and I'm FIRMLY believing this is the biggest reason as to why he sleeps so well. The night before we took it away, he slept ok, woke up every 2 hours or so. That first night without, he slept 4 hours without waking up. Sometimes he'll wake up, fuss a little bit, and get himself back to sleep with out me doing anything. He's growing so fast. We still have him in the bassinet part of the pack n play (even though he's technically too heavy for it, that's ok) and he's still in our bedroom, at least until after we get back from Colorado. I'd hate to get him used to the crib and then put him back in the PNP for 10 days. So far so good, knock on wood!
Finally, there are a few other smaller things that have been nipping at my mood lately, but nothing really worth bringing up. I'm sure it will leave me alone sooner or later.
Little man has his 6 month check up coming up next week and he's going to be 6 months old in a matter of a few short days. I can't believe that 6 months ago, technically I was logging contractions and wondering if I would be going to the hospital soon. It was super early labor, but still. And in a few days, it will be 6 months since I brought the most perfect little boy into my life and changed it forever. I'm SO lucky to have him. I can't imagine life without him AT ALL.

Holy Hell, I have a reader!

I want to acknowledge this reader! Thank you. I was starting to feel like I had multiple personalities and they were all talking to me, myself and I.
I'm going to be pouring more of the darker stuff on my blog now. Warning to anyone who doesn't want to read that. Lets just say that the past few months haven't been Heaven on Earth the whole time.
My mom hasn't heard from my brother again. Not good. His phone is off again and he hasn't kept any contact up with anyone at all. His buddy from prison who is helping him get on the right track hasn't talked to him in many months and my mom can't remember if my brother even called for her birthday. Now, something about my brother is he ALWAYS calls mom on her birthday and mother's day. Most of the time he's called her before I do, so its strange that he hasn't called her for either one. Mom and I are fearing the worst yet again. When his life is going well, he'll keep up contact with everyone. When his life is in the shitter or he has a new girlfriend, he'll start ignoring anyone trying to contact anyone and he won't reach out. Last time I talked to my brother, he was freaking out on me for not having called after Anthony was born. I had promised I would call, but didn't. HELLO, I was kinda busy trying to pull my head out of the fog I was in and the time before when he had called me, he was less than civil, so why even put myself through that when going through the newborn stage? I had other things to focus on. He's the kind of person who needs to call someone when he's drunk. And his favorite drunk dial? Yup, that's me. No matter where I am or what I'm doing, he'll call me and expect me to be on the line and help him with whatever sticky mess he's put himself in this time or I'm trying to convince him that partying and promising to come up here and get myself and my husband trashed and high as hell is NOT good for probation. He's even gone so far as to blame Mom for every problem he's had since he was a baby. He thinks that Mom gave him to his father willingly, not that it was mandated by the courts (why? Not a clue in the world, but it wasn't that Mom didn't want him!) He likes to tell people that I got everything handed to me and he got the raw end of the deal. He also likes to tell Mom that I've been spoiled and that I've never had a hardship in my life. EVER. Oh he knows about half the crap I've dealt with, he just seems to think that it doesn't compare to his life. Well, lets put it this way, I've never been in cuffs, never been behind bars, been in the police station twice (once to report something stolen, the other time for something I don't remember when I was young), and I've been in the back of a police car twice, both times were because my car left me on the side of the road. I don't do drugs, I don't drive drunk, I don't speed excessively (10 over is my max...his is whatever the car tops out at). But that doesn't mean I've had life handed to me and that I've had it easy. I've just avoided putting myself in the situations where I would make the choices he made. He had a chance to turn it around. Not my fault he didn't do it. Lemme put it out there in black and white. If he's in jail, I'm done with him. I'm not going to let my son be around a dead beat uncle who can't do SHIT for his own kids, let alone anyone else in the family.
Ok that was therapeutic. Between that and the other crap I've been dealing with for almost 18 mos, I've reached my limit. I'm going to start cleaning out the garbage and if there are a few people in there, I'm ok with it. I doubt most of them would even notice what I've done. Hey, I tried, I'm not going to leave that door open forever.
On the brighter side of the rainbow, life has been pretty good around all the crap above. Anthony is growing like a lil weed, he rolled from back to belly today (he's been rolling belly to back for almost 2 mos now, this was MAJOR for him today) and when I tried to show Adam how he did it, I put Ant on his tummy on the floor and hand my palm on his belly with my arm between his legs, the lil man started trying to crawl! Lil bugger was movin his legs like he was going somewhere fast! I can't believe that he could be crawling soon. Time to really clean house and get all the safety stuff up. We've been talking about where to put the safety gate (need at least one more) and how we would handle having a cat and litter box with a crawler. Lil man also really likes his entertainer (exersaucer for some brands) and I've since moved it up another notch so that he's not looking like he's going to flip out the top. He's at the top notch and is still able to touch his foot fairly flat on the bottom. My lil boy is getting so big! He's still a lil bean pole, long and skinny, but that's ok. We think we know why he's so skinny. He's gaining weight like he should, but he has a leg and an arm that just DO.NOT.STOP.MOVING. E.V.E.R. Its funny when he's playing or something like that, but its making diaper changes and swaddling a nightmare. He's still needing swaddling at night. I tried one time without and was back in there calming him down and swaddling him up. I'm running out of fabric to put him in though, as he's 26 inches long. He's longer than some of the swaddles I was once able to use. Even that miracle blanket I had to have for the lil magician. Oh well, he'll have to deal with it once we have no more options left!
The family has been much better. I still have times where I wish I was in a different clan, but that's to be expected for anyone, right? No one likes their family 100% of the time. But I've noticed my relationship with my mom is SUPER tight. I feel I can talk to her about almost anything (sex is still weird, but we're getting there) and know that she has advice and most of the time I can use it and it will work. I can't wait until she meets lil man and gets to see what I've been bragging about. She was so happy to get her Mother's day present (a bunch of 4x6 photos with an 8x10 collage of Anthony) but she made sure to point out that she can't wait until she gets to see him face to face. I really hope that with the next kid, she's able to come up sooner and maybe see that baby right after being born, rather than 6 months later. She's excited that she's going to be so involved with his life, rather than the ghost of a relationship she has with her other grand kids (LONG story there). I just can't wait until she sees all he can do and watch her get excited and laugh with him.
I also can't wait to see friends I haven't seen for over 10 years. That's too long, and considering some of these people I would say I'm closer with than some real relatives, that's just wrong. I can't wait, especially since two of my best friends who dated in high school and broke up are now married with a baby (coming up on a year old too!). I won't get to see the whole clan, but I'll get to see the key players in helping form who I am today and I can credit for saving my life (literally) many times. Shall be interesting to see how much everyone has changed this way and that.
I'm thinking I'm going to end there. Its getting late, lil man is sleeping like hell, its storming outside, and I have a few other things I want to do before bed. I hope I gave my reader something to read that isn't too boring. I know I tend to be more negative, but really, I'm not like that 100% of the time. I just have a hard time putting out the positive just as much when it comes to the computer.