Turkey Day!

Well, its that time of year to gather the family around the table and stuff food down their throats until they explode...then you move the beached whales to the living room for a nap and the back for pie! That's Turkey day Goose style.
This year is very different. We had a Turkey day on Sunday to make sure all the family was there because Adam's Great Aunt DiDi is dying. Well, that didn't even work out very well because his cousin (the one with the baby) decided her boyfriend in Detox is more important. I'm thinking Christmas will be the same, but I'm not going there now. It was a great day other wise. I don't think that house has ever been so full of family, food, and love. It brought me close to tears a few times for DiDi to tell everyone "I'm so glad to be here. Jesus wanted me to see this and know that I'm loved. I feel so much better than I did earlier this week" Yea, grab the tissues!
Now, I work tonight and tomorrow 8-2 then its off to Adam's other Aunt and Uncles. This should be interesting.
The very first Christmas I went to on MIL's side of the family was...dramatic. His aunt, MaryAnne (the one hosting this year's turkey) freaked out on all the parents for not watching their kids while they were doing projects and making messes all over their new clothes. I was freaked out by this lady. The next year, her middle child, Logan asked me to get him a piece of chocolate. I said ok and he said "Thanks" and went about his merry way. I looked over and MaryAnne is GLARING at me. Little did I know she forbids her kids to eat any sweets. Only veggies and fruit. Umm, CHILL lady. Its a damn holiday and its not like I poured a 10 lb bag of sugar down his throat. Its a friggin miniture Herseys bar! I was told to ignore her because they also don't like drinking (WTF DUDE!!), swearing (OOPS), and any premarital anything (HEHE). They even have their kids ask to go to the bathroom. Nazi woman.
On top of that, this is the side of the family that is almost purely Oops babies. This year (cause its a new one each year) its Adam's cousin, Cole and his girlfriend Anna. That is trouble waiting to happen. She hasn't been going to the dr like she should, she knows she's having a girl, but the name is SO out there. But Whatever I guess for a 20 y/o. its gonna be hard because I know if I don't drink, they will be asking if I'm pg, and if I do drink, there will be nothing but questions "Why aren't you pg yet?" "You aren't trying hard enough" "Stop trying so hard" and whatever else. I'm thinking about bringing my own box of Kleenex and water proof mascara. Its gonna be a tough day.
But we are going Black Friday shopping. Sounds like we are going to St Cloud and not up here in Brainerd. Lovely. St Cloud is worst than the Twin Cities just because of all the stupid college kids that drive like maniacs. And all we need to do in St Cloud is get our rings inspected. Guess we kinda have to make a day of it down there. Pray I come back alive and not all stressed out! LOL
Now, I challenge anyone reading this to make a list. Things you are thankful for and things you wish for in the new year. Yes, I stole this idea off of TF.
I'm thankful for my family, Adam, Ceadee, our health, our home, our jobs, friends near and far, and all the opportunities we have.
This next year, I'm hoping for a baby (or atleast a BFP), more health and happiness, a better job for me, possibly a house of our own, and all the best to all our friends and family.
Happy Turkey Day! Don't forget your stretch pants!

Eh, Why not?

I saw this on Shannon's Blog and thought "Why not?" So here goes!

Answer the following with one word:

Where is your cell phone? table
Where is your significant other? working
Hair color? dishwater
Your mother? Amazing
Your father? Inspiring
Your favorite thing? family
Your dream last night? insanity
Your dream/goal? mom
The room you’re in? livingroom
Your hobby? reading
Your fear? loneliness
Where do you want to be in 6 years? here
Where were you last night? here
What you’re not? excited
One of your wish-list items? BFP
Where you grew up? MN
The last thing you did? eat
What are you wearing? pjs
Your TV? Sanyo
Your pet? cat
Your computer? Dell
Your mood? anxiety
Missing someone? ohyea
Favorite store? Target
Our summer? WORK
Love someone?Husband
Your favorite color? pastels
When is the last time you laughed? today
Last time you cried? 5mins?

What a weekend!

I froze my butt off and learned a good lesson this weekend. Deer hunting is freaking COLD!!! I had 4 layers on the bottom, and like 6 layers on top. Plus 3 pairs of socks. Don't forget the chopper mittens and hand warmers. I did have some fun, but MY GOD its a lot of work to walk in that many layers. Since I wasn't hunting, I was able to choose where I went and who I sat with. I sat with H at his mom's stand, his stand, and one of the drives. The other times, I was sitting with his Grandpa. The sights were beautiful! We sat in a wood shed that was basically like a very small open but covered hut. Just big enough for a few chords of wood and 2 chairs. The view was amazing though. We didn't see anything, but one of the guys in the hunting party was able to shoot. He ended up hitting the deer (and it would have been a fatal shot) but there were some hunters a little farther up (Not in our hunting party) who finished the deer off. Now, this pisses me off because the sportsman's rule is if the deer is hit (would be fatal shot) and another hunter hits the deer too, the first hunter gets the deer. If the shot isn't fatal, the second hunter is welcome to it. The guy who finished the deer off didn't follow the rules and kept the deer. "That's ok" FIL said, "When he shoots a deer and it ends up on our land, we will do the same thing to him that he did to us today. What goes around comes around". I'm down with that.
Next year though, I'm just going to make dinner and go do girly things that won't require me to be up before the ass crack of dawn to put on layers and then walk out into the woods to freeze.
There's also a ton of personal crap going down. Please just pray it gets cleared up and we can get back on track soon. I really hate this. I don't really want to get into it, but we just need prayers and time.
Hope everyone else had a good weekend!

Songs for the mood (please don't read into it): "Change My Mind" John Berry
"Maybe He'll Notice Her Now" Mindy McCready
"No Doubt About It" Neal McCoy

Well,

Evidently I'm totally losing my mind because I'm not pregnant. On to cycle 9. Adam seemed to be so hurt when I told him that November wasn't our month either. We have one more chance to get pg before Christmas comes.
I really don't want to see H's cousin and his pg girlfriend parading her big belly in my face. I know its not intentional, but it doesn't change anything.
I also found out that H's great aunt has been given a time line. She has about 5 months left to live. The tumor has wrapped itself around her brain stem and is compressing on the cognative thinking side. We are having Thanksgiving the Sunday before so that we can make sure everyone gets to be there.
It sure hasn't been an easy year, that's for sure. Here's to hoping that 2009 brings more happiness and good times and good friends.

WTF is wrong with me?

Seriously, I think I'm losing my mind. Today I was just fine and happy as a clam at work and even laughing and joking around with customers. Then I got to Kohl's (I got a few gift cards in the mail) and on the way there it was like something snapped and I just got biitchy. Then inside I got all sentimental and wishy washy while walking through the store. I started getting bored looking at stuff for myself and H so I walked over to the baby/maternity section. I found a book I liked and held onto it like it was the most precious thing in the world. Then I walked to the kitchen stuff and found something else there that I liked. Well, I had to make a choice so I called H. I got pissy with him for no reason and then hung up on him and started bawling in the store. It was like this choice was life or death to me. I gathered myself enough to get to the check out and out to the car before tearing up again. I got home and just slumped over in my chair and started crying like I've never cried before. No idea why. Just thinking about it makes me tear up again.
I'm not kidding when I say that it really felt like the choices I was making would effect the rest of my life in a HUGE way. I've never felt like this before. I want to test so bad just to see if that is my problem. I feel like I have no control over my emotions.
I've also been having the most vivid of dreams and in all of them I'm either pg or looking for my baby.
I'm wondering if my mind is playing tricks on me and I just want to be pg that badly, or if I am. I do want to wait to test, but I also want to know wtf is going on.

I almost forgot

The video for the moment.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NO2nqcN3EGg

Seriously?!? Did that really just happen?

UGH people just piss me off. People with no heart throwing around insults not knowing the pain you are already in because of another stupid person's first post. Seriously, this is the whole reason I just want to give up on humanity. People suck. There are a few people out there that actually have hearts and listen to their inner voice, but its the ones that throw caution to the wind and don't think before they "say" anything. Today, I was wished infertility. Yea, like that doesn't cut deep. That hurts more than they could ever know. Not only am I on cycle 8 and month 10 (not the longest, but anyone reading knows thats long enough) and having troubles getting pregnant again after a loss. Then I'm wished INFERTILITY?!?! What the hell kind of world is this? I guess that I need to click that little red X in the corner and walk away from that. Too bad because there are some nice people on there.
And there are people who post a photo of their BFP (big fat positive for those who don't know) and say "I'm new to the Getting Pregnant Board. Do you see a second line?" Yes I do. Now take your stupid ass directly to first trimester and get the hell away. Seriously.
December is coming up fast. I'd be about 34 weeks. Pray that it happens again before then.