Could it be? Am I really?

There is no way! I'm at PEACE with cycle 10 and the new year. It feels like a clean slate. Almost like I have a fresh, clean start. Almost like trying to make something out of clay, only to have it dry out and become a lump you want to throw away. Then, someone gives you a fresh piece of material. Adam seems to be determined to help in the planning this cycle. He bought me OPKs, asks me how I'm feeling, and is making an honest effort to make sure we are not just having sex, but making love and having fun. Its touching really. Maybe we are just throwing caution and planning and overcontrolling to the wind and trying to have fun again. I don't know what it is, but I'm trying to enjoy it.
Work is getting harder and harder to enjoy. My pg co-irker makes sure to complain daily of her aches and pains of being pg. Not our fault you quit taking your BCP. Maybe next time, you will think twice and wrap it up. Condoms (or even BCP) is much cheaper than a baby. Stupid whiner. On top of it, everyone keeps asking if we are pg again. Like I want that spread around again. No. We aren't pg. Yes we are still trying. No we aren't overtrying. Yes, we will go to the dr. No, it won't be super soon, we have bigger things to think about right now.

Trying to deal with so much bull that I'm starting to think that I'm surrounded by shit. Trying to look on the brighter side, but after what MIL did Christmas Day and all, its been dark. SO sick and tired of family pointing out that Adam and I are the only couple with out kids now. Thanks. No pressure or hard feelings or anything. Just a gentle push off the cliff. With a backhoe. And you would think H's aunt and uncle who tried for 5+ years would be more sympathetic to what's going on. Instead, they are putting pressure on us too. Thanks. Just remember that you were in our shoes not too long ago. Grace is 18 months. just over 2 years ago, you were dealing with this still. Thanks for the support. Its like bouncing on a trampoline wearing a tshirt and no bra. Feels great. Next year, we are driving ourselves to Christmas. I don't like not being able to control when I get to leave.

Here's to a New Year. Good friends, Good fun, Good family, Good times. Party it up ladies. This year, we are getting pregnant!

I miss you angel!

Today would have been your birth day. We miss you. Hope you are behaving for Jesus.
Love you, sweetheart. **HUGS**

She's drowning

And I can't help her.
I'm talking about Adam's cousin. She's dating a guy who has been in rehab for a really long time. He's been in detox since Deer Opener. That's like 3 weeks. I guess he's cheated on her a few times while in detox/rehab (the facility is in the cities, about 2 or 3 hours away). She's chosen him over the family pretty much every time. She didn't come to deer opener so that we could have a birthday party for her daughter. She didn't come to the Thanksgiving we had at the IL's house. She didn't meet up with Adam and I when we went out to eat on Friday. She's forming her life around this scum bag that no one in the family likes. I asked her if she's going to bring him to the house for Christmas. She said "Maybe. Depends on if he's out of treatment. And if he is and he comes, there can't be booze in the house at all." Umm that don't work in the Goose's house. There is always wine, wine coolers, and harder alcohol. The thing I don't understand, is her dad is a recovered alcoholic. He will have a non alcoholic beer with the rest of us if he feels like it, but most of the time he's happy with a Pepsi or some juice. Her dad even thinks he's the scum of the land. They didn't meet up with us for lunch because it was at a brewery/sports bar type eatery. All because there was booze in the place. HELLO! Does that mean you don't go into a grocery store because they sell it? Do you stay out of someone's house because they could have alcohol somewhere? Seriously, its called self control. They really do teach that shit in rehab. Pisses me off because he's seeming to be the kind of person who only goes into rehab to avoid jail time. Adam and I are willing to bet that is the deal.
I used to be SO close to this woman. We were closer than best friends. Her daughter used to come running to me when I came in her house. Now it takes a long friggin time before she even lets me ask for a hug without running away. This woman was there for me in so many ways while planning the wedding and all. It seems like she just doesn't care anymore. She used to always tell me that having a boyfriend wasn't in the cards until she got everything settled with her daughter's father. Guess its all taken care of because she never used to ditch family for a guy!
I really wish there was something I could do to show her that he's bad news, But I'm not stupid. I know that you can always lead a horse to water but not make them drink. You can also send a boy to college but you can't make him think. She's going to have to find out the hard way and my heart breaks for how its going to effect her. Where are the life jackets for times like these?