Could it be? Am I really?

There is no way! I'm at PEACE with cycle 10 and the new year. It feels like a clean slate. Almost like I have a fresh, clean start. Almost like trying to make something out of clay, only to have it dry out and become a lump you want to throw away. Then, someone gives you a fresh piece of material. Adam seems to be determined to help in the planning this cycle. He bought me OPKs, asks me how I'm feeling, and is making an honest effort to make sure we are not just having sex, but making love and having fun. Its touching really. Maybe we are just throwing caution and planning and overcontrolling to the wind and trying to have fun again. I don't know what it is, but I'm trying to enjoy it.
Work is getting harder and harder to enjoy. My pg co-irker makes sure to complain daily of her aches and pains of being pg. Not our fault you quit taking your BCP. Maybe next time, you will think twice and wrap it up. Condoms (or even BCP) is much cheaper than a baby. Stupid whiner. On top of it, everyone keeps asking if we are pg again. Like I want that spread around again. No. We aren't pg. Yes we are still trying. No we aren't overtrying. Yes, we will go to the dr. No, it won't be super soon, we have bigger things to think about right now.

Trying to deal with so much bull that I'm starting to think that I'm surrounded by shit. Trying to look on the brighter side, but after what MIL did Christmas Day and all, its been dark. SO sick and tired of family pointing out that Adam and I are the only couple with out kids now. Thanks. No pressure or hard feelings or anything. Just a gentle push off the cliff. With a backhoe. And you would think H's aunt and uncle who tried for 5+ years would be more sympathetic to what's going on. Instead, they are putting pressure on us too. Thanks. Just remember that you were in our shoes not too long ago. Grace is 18 months. just over 2 years ago, you were dealing with this still. Thanks for the support. Its like bouncing on a trampoline wearing a tshirt and no bra. Feels great. Next year, we are driving ourselves to Christmas. I don't like not being able to control when I get to leave.

Here's to a New Year. Good friends, Good fun, Good family, Good times. Party it up ladies. This year, we are getting pregnant!